Vulnerability Out Of Order

Recently (like two days ago recently), I listened to a Matt Chandler sermon that said a lot, but to me, it mostly only said this:

"Nothing drives shame away from the heart more than being fully known yet still delighted in."

When I heard this, my face got hot, and my heart started pounding, and I had one of those moments where I really wanted to shut out the voice of God because I knew He was saying it was time...

To be fully known. To be vulnerable.

But being "still delighted in," though it always is with God, is never a guarantee with people, and it is there the tension lies. It is there where trust in God is required.

It is there that proves we need God in order to be vulnerable with those around us.

I could not have been vulnerable in the way He was asking if it weren't for His grace. Without it, my choosing to be vulnerable would have been riding on the reaction of another person. A person I love. A person I didn't want to disappoint with knowing all of me. Without it, I would have remained bound to my fear. I would have remained stuck in the order of which I thought vulnerability should take place.

But with tears and shaky voice, I let God take my vulnerability out of order, and in return He brought great freedom.

I think Brené Brown perfectly sums up my feelings since:

 "This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee, to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive."

Yours in being known completely,

-Elise

Breaking the Silence

Note to self: You may want to be good at this whole blogging thing, but the truth is, you've got some work to do.

Let's be honest, the word blogging is pretty interchangeable here. Why?

One word. Say it with me.

DISCIPLINE.

Can't say it's a virtue of mine. I often set out to accomplish various goals-learning how to play the guitar, running on a regular basis, reading one book a month, etc.-but my lack of discipline outshines my apparent desire every time.

However, my recent committment to a gluten free lifestyle is proving otherwise. Sure, I've only been at it for about two weeks, but I'm feeling pretty darn good about that. Fighting my beer cravings and turning down cupcakes at work does not happen easily, ok?

And I'd like to think showing discipline in one area of my life will eventually flow into others. Could breaking my blog silence be proof of that? I guess we'll find out if I go another five months without posting...

Seriously, though, I made the decision to go gluten free with hopes of improving my acne, but just maybe this journey is for more than what meets the eye. Maybe it's teaching me a little more about the state of my heart and how growth is possible, goals can be achieved!

All it takes is a little bit of rice flour and a whole lot of discipline. ;)

Stay steadfast my friends,

Elise

The End in Sight

Somewhere between the mountain hiking, beach bumming, and trips to In-N-Out, life in California became my new normal. With only a week and a half left until my return to the Mitten, I realize time definitely got the best of me this summer.

Seriously. Where did it go, and why did it have to go there so fast?

Although I will be greeted by familiar faces and places, I can't shake the anxiety that always comes when life is on the brink of change. I will settle into a rhythm soon enough, I have this awesome gift of adaptation, but I haven't reached the point of wanting to have to do so. I know I will leave a piece of myself here, but I hope by the time I find my seat on the plane, the rest of me will find its way to Michigan.

Until then, though, I plan to soak up as many rays of the California sun as possible, dig my feet into the dirt of the mountains of Big Bear, and love wholeheartedly the people who have made this summer my favorite.

When Life Calls For Butterscotch, Make It From Scratch

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

Don't believe it? Spend a few minutes with my boyfriend, the lover of what he likes to call, "yum yums," which are basically any tasty treat that is most likely really bad for your health.

Although I do worry about his yum yum obsession, it did make it easy to decide what to do for him to celebrate one year of dating. I went with one of his favorite yum yums, "Scotcheroos." His mom made them this past Christmas, so I was able to experience first hand just why he raves about this dessert.

She was nice enough to give me the recipe, and as I bought the ingredients, I tried not to think about the fact that I was going up against years of Scotcheroos perfection. That didn't last long, though, because the recipe calls for butterscotch chips, and apparently they don't sell butterscotch chips in Pasadena this time of year. How could I not think about the years of Scotcheroos perfection knowing I was going to have to make homemade butterscotch?!

Also, I gave my mom a good laugh when I called to ask her if corn oil was different than corn syrup. Note to self: it is.

Anyway, although intimidated, I was bound and determined!

Before I knew it, it was Saturday night, and I was preparing my ingredients. Every butterscotch recipe I read stressed the importance of moving fast between each step. Apparently, I didn't move fast enough, though. Somewhere between dumping in 1/4 cup of whipping cream and pouring another, the butterscotch began to harden. Crap. I was sure my frantic attempt was a lost cause. I decided to try cranking the heat, hoping to re-liquidize (is that even a term?) the butterscotch to the desired consistency.

I'll admit, I was feeling pretty proud as I poured the sweet smelling butterscotch into a readied glass bowl of melted chocolate chips. However, when it was time to slather it on the peanut butter, rice krispies goodness that is Scotcheroos, my heart sank a little. The butterscotch and chocolate spread took on a sand like texture. All I could do was hope it tasted better than it looked.

24 hours later, Dave and I devoured 3 slices of the Scotcheroos...EACH...IN A ROW! That should tell you something about the finished product.

Also, it should tell you a little something about life. It might not look how you thought it would, but that doesn't it mean it can't still taste sweet.

Yum yum on my friends,

<3 Elise

"Meating" My Cooking Goals

Last week, with the help from my bosom friend and her reference to The Pioneer Woman, I ventured out into the scary world of cooking with meat. Being the unexperienced cook I am, I decided to start with something simple, Penne With Chicken Thighs.  

Now, I'm going to be honest, chicken thighs were never a part of the original plan. I bought the thighs thinking they were breasts (if you didn't believe me when I said I knew nothing about cooking, I'm assuming you do now). Luckily, PW speaks highly of thighs, and I can see why!

I only had to make slight adjustments to the recipe. The thighs were skinless and boneless, I didn't have fresh garlic, parmesan, or basil, so I used powdered, and instead of plain marinara sauce, I used tomato basil. I realize everything tastes better fresh, but I'm on a budget and don't have a car. So cooking experts, forgive me for working with what I had.

Anyway, there is no satisfaction quite like that of cooking, what I consider, a "real" meal. The anticipation almost killed me as I followed PW's orders to wait for 1 1/2 hours for the chicken to cook. When it was time to plate my dinner, I let out a big sigh before taking the first bite. I let out another big sigh after realizing I wanted a second bite. As the recipe promised, it was delicious.

The only problems I ran into were a lot of second guessing games and making an absolute mess of the kitchen. Seriously, I am no graceful cook. Maybe that will come with time? Either way, the fact that I successfully made a meal and didn't start a fire or die made cleanup a little bit more enjoyable.

So, there you have it. I cooked with chicken. My only regret is not taking a picture.

Who knew "meating" my cooking goals would be so fun?

See what I did there? ;-)

Cook on my friends!

<3 Elise

"We're Up All Night to YOSEMITE!"

First of all, let me explain the title of this post. For about a week or so, Dave has been singing "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell Williams NON-STOP. Naturally, it became the theme song of our three day trip to Yosemite over the 4th. Dave replaced "we're up all night to get lucky" with "we're up all night to Yosemite." It's pretty fitting because we were, in fact, up all night to Yosemite.

In my opinion, it wouldn't be a true adventure, if there weren't some hoops to jump through. I knew very early on our trip to Yosemite would be a true adventure because

1. We didn't reserve a campsite,

and

2. Jason missed his first flight and didn't arrive to LAX until midnight on said departure date.

Thus, the boys drove through the night with hopes of arriving to Bridalveil Creek Campground early enough to claim a site before the rest of the crowd. Surprisingly (I definitely had my doubts), the plan worked! It was only after a bit of digging that we came across a warm Australian couple who invited us to share apple slices and swap stories of our travels before starting to set up camp as they tore down.

Although already exhausted from the long drive and quick setup, we headed to The Valley to embark on our first hike of the trip.

Our exhaustion quickly transformed into adrenalin, after our first view of all Yosemite had to offer. We started with about a 7 mile hike (roundtrip) to the top of Vernal Fall and then to the top of Nevada Fall.

Vernal Fall:

Nevada Fall:

 

Waterfalls are something I haven't been able to experience with our San Gabriel hikes, so it was definitely a nice change of pace. Plus, being as hot as it was, it was nice having a way to cool off.

We decided to take a different route back down which was a good decision. Not only was it less strenuous, but  it also provided equally as beautiful, yet different views.

Believe it or not, our day was not finished. After some delicious camp food, we headed to Glacier Point to watch the sunset.

Over the past year, I've been able to hike a ton, and it has become a very spiritual hobby for me. As Dave and I were watching the colors and shadows change, I couldn't help but think of the parallel of God's beauty on display and the beauty He sees when He looks at our lives. The two falls you see in this picture are the very falls I had just hiked. During those hikes I had moments of pain and joy, shortness of breath and never feeling more alive, feelings of defeat and feelings of triumph. All the while, though sometimes I was unsure and didn't know how exactly it would happen, I knew I would get to where I was going. Life is often like my hikes, but when I am given opportunities to see my hikes from afar, I get a glimpse of what God must see when He looks at our lives. He knows there are the long uphill battles, He sees those gritty details, but He also sees where we are going. More importantly, He sees how all of it creates what is displayed in this picture. Beauty for His glory.

I think it's safe to say, the sunset at Glacier Point was the more contemplative part of my trip.

As much as we didn't want to leave, the thought of much needed sleep sounded pretty good, too. Despite being cold and thinking I heard a mouse in the middle of the night, I felt pretty rested the next morning and was excited and ready to conquer Upper Yosemite Falls!

This was another strenuous 7 mile trek with what seemed to be a hotter sun. However, the views at the top of the fall made it all worth it.

And how could I resist experiencing the falls for myself?

Once we reached the bottom again, it was time to say a dreaded goodbye to The Valley and spend a relaxing evening in hammocks around the campfire.

Our final hike of the trip was in the cool of the next morning to Sentinel Dome. This hike was far easier on the muscles, and a lot less crowded. Only 2 miles round trip and we were still blessed with more amazing scenery.

We sat at the top for a while, enjoying our last moments at higher elevation before heading back down to pack up. We loaded up the car in record time and ventured to our last site of the trip: The Mariposa Grove of Giant Sequoias.

We found it took 1o of us to wrap around the entire tree. I never thought I could feel THAT small.

Yosemite was a more beautiful trip than I imagined, and I have every intention of going back before I leave California. There is so much more to climb and explore. I wouldn't mind having my first bear siting either. ;)

Adventure on my friends!

<3 Elise

California: My Delicious Dose of Reality

A little over two weeks ago, I flew anxiously through the clouds and colors of the evening sky and a few hours later, landed among the Los Angeles lights. My summer residence greeted me with its usual hustle and bustle, but my midwestern heart didn't mind one bit. The months spent praying, planning, and trusting proved worth it, as my feet hit the California ground and as I took my first breath of the LA air...smog and all.

   

The short weeks since my arrival have proven to be anything but dull. I've relished in the still surreal fact that I live across the street from my boyfriend. I've visited old friends, and I've made new ones. I met Mickey Mouse and realized the child in us never really dies. I continued to slave away at my computer, competing with every other soul applying to the same job, and ended up landing a job without having to fill out an application. God sure has a sense of humor.

   

 And of course, I've had my share of embarrassing-to-admit "firsts." After 24 years of living, I have for the first time EVER: Bought 2 weeks worth of groceries (fresh fruits and veggies included) Paid rent Lived alone Baked homemade chocolate chip cookies And the firsts are sure to continue. Cooking with meat is next on the list... 

   

Living alone is an exciting but challenging reality. I have been fortunate enough to be living with families up until this point, and although the free rent and home cooked meals have been great, I realize the woman inside of me has been ready to give all that "adult" stuff a try for some time, now.

So far, this season has been doused with answered prayers, and I am thankful. I know, however, far more awaits, and I look forward to sharing. :)

With all the beauty of California, 

 <3 Elise