January 5, 2015

To Face Them

I woke up on January 1st feeling nothing but pressure. I should have avoided social media entirely. Instead, I read through everyone's reflections, resolutions, and expectations for 2015. I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry or puke.

This is out of character for me. I usually love the days between Christmas and the new year. The list making, the planning, the dreaming-I eat it up! 

Not this year. No. This year, I was afraid to face my resolutions. Afraid to scribble them down, to figure out when and how, to get lost in the excitement of their possibility. I thought it would be easier to push them aside as a way to protect myself from feeling discouraged and disappointed when I fail. From feeling angry with God when He "fails." From feeling angry with myself for forgetting God doesn't fail.

Today is day 5 of the new year, and I realize whether my resolutions come to the surface or stay tucked away in a corner of my soul, there will still be times of discouragement, disappointment, and anger because hiding my dreams from myself is difficult and hiding them from God is impossible. 

With that in mind, though I am more hesitant than in years past, I have decided to face the wonderful goals that terrify me.

I'll face them with pen to paper. With words on a screen. With friends over coffee. With the ones I love most in the day to day. With God in the quiet mornings and in the sleepless nights. 

I'll face them knowing there will be times of encouragement and attainment. I'll face them knowing there will be times of joy. 

This is my first resolution: to face them. 

And I hope you face yours,