January 30, 2014

Vulnerability Out Of Order

Recently (like two days ago recently), I listened to a Matt Chandler sermon that said a lot, but to me, it mostly only said this:
"Nothing drives shame away from the heart more than being fully known yet still delighted in."
When I heard this, my face got hot, and my heart started pounding, and I had one of those moments where I really wanted to shut out the voice of God because I knew He was saying it was time...

To be fully known. To be vulnerable.

But being "still delighted in," though it always is with God, is never a guarantee with people, and it is there the tension lies. It is there where trust in God is required.

It is there that proves we need God in order to be vulnerable with those around us.

I could not have been vulnerable in the way He was asking if it weren't for His grace. Without it, my choosing to be vulnerable would have been riding on the reaction of another person. A person I love. A person I didn't want to disappoint with knowing all of me. Without it, I would have remained bound to my fear. I would have remained stuck in the order of which I thought vulnerability should take place.

But with tears and shaky voice, I let God take my vulnerability out of order, and in return He brought great freedom.

I think BrenĂ© Brown perfectly sums up my feelings since:
 "This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee, to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive."
Yours in being known completely,


January 22, 2014

Breaking the Silence

Note to self: You may want to be good at this whole blogging thing, but the truth is, you've got some work to do.
Let's be honest, the word blogging is pretty interchangeable here. Why?

One word. Say it with me.


Can't say it's a virtue of mine. I often set out to accomplish various goals-learning how to play the guitar, running on a regular basis, reading one book a month, etc.-but my lack of discipline outshines my apparent desire every time.

However, my recent committment to a gluten free lifestyle is proving otherwise. Sure, I've only been at it for about two weeks, but I'm feeling pretty darn good about that. Fighting my beer cravings and turning down cupcakes at work does not happen easily, ok?

And I'd like to think showing discipline in one area of my life will eventually flow into others. Could breaking my blog silence be proof of that? I guess we'll find out if I go another five months without posting...

Seriously, though, I made the decision to go gluten free with hopes of improving my acne, but just maybe this journey is for more than what meets the eye. Maybe it's teaching me a little more about the state of my heart and how growth is possible, goals can be achieved!

All it takes is a little bit of rice flour and a whole lot of discipline. ;)

Stay steadfast my friends,