February 25, 2010

Thanks Xanga

Remember Xanga?

It was some sort of an addiction for me during my sophomore and junior year of high school. Yesterday while I was scanning syllabus at work, I decided to defeat my boredom and step into nostalgia. Oh to be 15, 16, and 17. I lived a life without consequence, it seemed.

I've always had a hard time really remembering what my life was like without God. How did I feel? What did I think? Entry after entry brought me back to that season. Stupid decisions. Inevitable heartbreak. Confusion. Loneliness. There were obviously good times, too, but in the majority of my entries I always talked about feeling like there was something missing. And as I read about this life I once lived, I couldn't help but thank God, not just for pulling me out, but for His presence that existed in my life unknowingly, at least by me.

Then transformation started occurring. Reaching the more recent entries, I began to see my salvation unfold, this time from an entirely different perspective. At the time I know I couldn't wait to be a "mature Christian," a wise woman of God, and now, though I'm only a little more mature and only a little wiser, I long for those beginning steps of the journey. The newness. The excitement. Falling in the truest form of love. I love God. I really do. But I want to fall in love with Him every single day, the same way I did before. After all, isn't that what he does with us? His love for us is the same today as it was yesterday. Ours should be too.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I used to have a Xanga too. It's so interesting to go back and look on my younger years.